The last 2 plus years have been hard. Now I know hard is relative to your circumstances, but I also know I have struggled much in this time. The reasons are various, but I am also learning alot the same. As I sat to write in my prayer journal today I realized I have had the same one for over 2 years with more than half the journal still empty. Not to say that I have not prayed, but the prayers have been short and desperate-mostly thrown at the sky in moments of distress. It has been a time of survival. Micah and I recently discussed our desire to LIVE in 2011. I have missed alot of life lately and I want to be purposeful in changing that. Over the last month I feel something stirring within me. I feel like God is opening my eyes to His word and truth in a new way. My (limited) understanding of Him and His ways are being transformed and I am encouraged. So much of my struggle (I think) has been grounded in incorrect expectations of God and how he would work in my life. I feel like God is giving me a new understanding of walking with him and the suffering that is inevitable. I have been listening to a series on YouTube by Francis Chan "Is Suffering Optional?" basically bringing to light what the bible says about the Christian life and suffering and it is resonating with me. I almost even hesitate to use the word "suffering" as I know my struggles have been so very small in comparison to others, but I cannot deny that these testings or trials (James 1:2-4) are being used in my life. I am seeing the importance of using this time to prepare and ground myself more for the challenges that are undoubtedly ahead. Not living in anxiety or worry about the future, but understanding the path I am called to. It seems strange that this acceptance of suffering has brought me more joy than concern! I pray that God will continue this work in my heart and mind.
1 Peter 1: 6-7
6 In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. 7 These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.
I love this! God's word is truly "living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." (Heb. 4:12) And might I add, able and willing to dissect the heart, transplanting the ugly and dead places.
ReplyDeleteIt is so wonderful to see God's work in you! It's always encouraging to my own faith.